Forgiving Others
Dictionary definition of “forgive”: cease to feel resentment against on account of wrong committed: give up claim to requital on account of wrong committed …
What are the consequences of forgiveness?
1. To the forgiver?
2. To the forgiven?
What is the opposite of forgiveness?
What are the consequences of not forgiving?
Matthew 6:14-15: If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
To whom is this spoken?
Matthew 18:21-22: “Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times” “No!” Jesus replied, “seventy times seven!”
Luke 17:3: “I am warning you! If another believer sins, rebuke him; then if he repents, forgive him.”
Colossians 3:13: “You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Philippians 3:13-14: “No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.”
1 Peter 2:21-23: “… Christ, who suffered for you, is your example. Follow in his steps. He never sinned, and he never deceived anyone. He did not retaliate when he was insulted. When he suffered, he did not threaten to get even. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.”
Hebrews 10:30: “For we know the one who said, “I will take vengeance. I will repay those who deserve it.” He also said, “The Lord will judge his own people.”
Matthew 5:43-44: “You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!
Footnotes: Some manuscripts add “Bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you.”
1 Peter 3:9-10: “Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate when people say unkind things about you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God wants you to do, and he will bless you for it.”
How and when are we supposed to forgive others? We want to do the right thing but sometimes we don't know how. It may seem unreasonable or we have fears about it, or it's simply difficult to forgive someone who's hurt us significantly.
Here are some reasons why it's hard to grant forgiveness:
1. Sometimes we have difficulty granting forgiveness because we don't know what we're supposed to do. We don't understand God's Word and the requirement to be forgiving. So what does God's Word say? Ephesians 4:31-32 says “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
We're to respond in forgiveness in the same way that God responded to us in forgiveness. Jesus said in Mark 11:25 “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”
2. Sometimes it's hard to grant forgiveness because of pride. When our pride has been hurt it's easier to bear a grudge than it is to forgive. To refuse to forgive someone is to destroy that person.
Proverbs 13:10, “Pride leads to arguments; those who take advice are wise.”
Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love covers all offenses."
3. Sometimes it's hard for us to grant forgiveness because of a bitter spirit; something we're harboring toward that person who has wronged us. They come to us and they want us to forgive them and we may even say, “Oh, yeah, I forgive you.” But our spirit never does.
Just before Paul advised us to be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, this is what he said, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior.” Ephesians 4:31. Bitterness and forgiveness cannot co-exist in our hearts. One of them will cancel out the other. Those feelings of bitterness make us want to get even. Feelings of tenderheartedness make us want to forgive. So, if there's some bitterness toward the person who's wronged you in your life you're not very apt to want to forgive them.
What is forgiveness? It's knowing that you don't have to get even. Archibald Hart says, “Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.” To forgive means to cancel a debt--that means that certain requirements have to be met if we're able to forgive. So what is it that you have to do in order to grant forgiveness? What must the person who has been wronged do?
Maybe the person who has offended you was a parent. You're still holding on to your grief and you're still holding onto your bitterness and your resentment. And you still are not forgiving. You know whom you're hurting? Not your parent. You're hurting yourself. We have to forgive in our grace when the other person cannot be forgiven with his repentance. And that happens when the one who has offended us is dead.
It happens when the one who has offended us has not been filled with the Spirit of God--is not a believer. That happens when the one who has offended us is unrepentant. We can still forgive with our grace. We can pay the debt with our grace just the way God did. We don't want to become bitter; we don't want to be vengeful. We want God to forgive us of our sins and we'd rather forgive than just forget.
There are times when it's better for us just to pay the debt--just to swallow our pride, just to take the offense without getting back or retaliating or demanding an apology. That's paying the debt ourselves rather than demanding someone else apologize or forgive the debt so that it's paid.
Note from Life Application Bible: “Marking iniquities - holding a grudge - is like building a wall between you and another person, and it is nearly impossible to talk openly while the wall is there. God never holds a grudge when he forgives, he forgives completely, tearing down any wall between us and him. Therefore, we can talk to him about anything. When you pray, realize that God is holding nothing against you. His lines of communication are completely open.”
Examples of Forgiveness
1. Joseph
Genesis 50:15-20: ‘But now that their father was dead, Joseph's brothers became afraid. “Now Joseph will pay us back for all the evil we did to him,” they said. So they sent this message to Joseph: “Before your father died, he instructed us to say to you: ‘Forgive your brothers for the great evil they did to you.’ So we, the servants of the God of your father, beg you to forgive us.” When Joseph received the message, he broke down and wept. Then his brothers came and bowed low before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. But Joseph told them, “Don't be afraid of me. Am I God, to judge and punish you? As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil. He brought me to the high position I have today so I could save the lives of many people.”
Note from Life Application Bible: "Now that Jacob (or Israel) was dead, the brothers feared revenge from Joseph. Could he really have forgiven them for selling him into slavery? But to their surprise, Joseph not only forgave them but offered to care for them and their families. Joseph's forgiveness was complete. He demonstrated how God graciously accepts us even though we don't deserve it. Realizing that God forgives us even when we have ignored or rejected him should motivate us to forgive others."
2. Stephen
Acts 7:59-60 “And as they stoned him, Stephen prayed, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." And he fell to his knees, shouting, "Lord, don't charge them with this sin!" And with that, he died.”
Note from Life Application Bible: “As Stephen died ... he repeated what Jesus had said as he died on the cross (Luke 23:34). The early believers were glad to suffer as Jesus had suffered, because that meant they were counted worthy (Acts 5:41). Stephen was ready to suffer like Jesus, even to the point of asking forgiveness for his murders. Such a forgiving response comes only from the Holy Spirit.”
3. Jesus
Luke 23:34 “Jesus said, "Father, forgive these people, because they don't know what they are doing."…”
4. The prodigal son’s father versus his brother – Luke 15:11-32:
To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: "A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now, instead of waiting until you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. "A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and took a trip to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money on wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him to feed his pigs. The boy became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything. "When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired men have food enough to spare, and here I am, dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, "Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired man."’ "So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ "But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger, and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening in the pen. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began. "Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, and he asked one of the servants what was going on. ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the calf we were fattening and has prepared a great feast. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’ "The older brother was angry and wouldn't go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I've worked hard for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the finest calf we have.’ "His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you and I are very close, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’"
5. Modern Example
Genuine forgiveness runs deep. It is not a thin surface patch on a relationship, but an inner change of heart toward the offender. Too often we think we have extended forgiveness when we have only covered over our resentment.
Corrie Ten Boom shares this true story in her book, "The Hiding Place": It was a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there - the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie's pain-blanched face. He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. "How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein," he said. "To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!"
His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.
Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.
I tried to smile; I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.
The story says that when she then took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.
How do you forgive?
1. Receive the grace. You won't be able to forgive unless you have received the grace. Matthew 18:21-35. I love what Corrie ten Boom says: "When God casts our sins into the depths of the sea, He puts up a sign and says, 'No fishing.'"
2. Acknowledge the wrong. Be straightforward with God. Acknowledge the fact that this person has wronged you, like Alexander the coppersmith. That's an important step. If you don't acknowledge the wrong, you don't have anything to forgive.
3. Lay down all your rights. "Lose your life for My sake," Jesus said. Forgiveness is the unconditional laying down of the self.
4. What to do to and for the one who has wronged you. What shall I do?
a. If he asks for forgiveness, forgive him
b. If he doesn't, you go ahead and forgive him in a private transaction before God.
c. Pray for him. Opposition will be melted as you pray for him.
d. And this is probably the toughest thing of all-Ask for grace to treat him as if nothing had ever happened.
What are the consequences of forgiveness?
1. To the forgiver?
2. To the forgiven?
What is the opposite of forgiveness?
What are the consequences of not forgiving?
Matthew 6:14-15: If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
To whom is this spoken?
Matthew 18:21-22: “Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times” “No!” Jesus replied, “seventy times seven!”
Luke 17:3: “I am warning you! If another believer sins, rebuke him; then if he repents, forgive him.”
Colossians 3:13: “You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Philippians 3:13-14: “No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.”
1 Peter 2:21-23: “… Christ, who suffered for you, is your example. Follow in his steps. He never sinned, and he never deceived anyone. He did not retaliate when he was insulted. When he suffered, he did not threaten to get even. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.”
Hebrews 10:30: “For we know the one who said, “I will take vengeance. I will repay those who deserve it.” He also said, “The Lord will judge his own people.”
Matthew 5:43-44: “You have heard that the law of Moses says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!
Footnotes: Some manuscripts add “Bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you.”
1 Peter 3:9-10: “Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate when people say unkind things about you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God wants you to do, and he will bless you for it.”
How and when are we supposed to forgive others? We want to do the right thing but sometimes we don't know how. It may seem unreasonable or we have fears about it, or it's simply difficult to forgive someone who's hurt us significantly.
Here are some reasons why it's hard to grant forgiveness:
1. Sometimes we have difficulty granting forgiveness because we don't know what we're supposed to do. We don't understand God's Word and the requirement to be forgiving. So what does God's Word say? Ephesians 4:31-32 says “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."
We're to respond in forgiveness in the same way that God responded to us in forgiveness. Jesus said in Mark 11:25 “But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.”
2. Sometimes it's hard to grant forgiveness because of pride. When our pride has been hurt it's easier to bear a grudge than it is to forgive. To refuse to forgive someone is to destroy that person.
Proverbs 13:10, “Pride leads to arguments; those who take advice are wise.”
Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love covers all offenses."
3. Sometimes it's hard for us to grant forgiveness because of a bitter spirit; something we're harboring toward that person who has wronged us. They come to us and they want us to forgive them and we may even say, “Oh, yeah, I forgive you.” But our spirit never does.
Just before Paul advised us to be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, this is what he said, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior.” Ephesians 4:31. Bitterness and forgiveness cannot co-exist in our hearts. One of them will cancel out the other. Those feelings of bitterness make us want to get even. Feelings of tenderheartedness make us want to forgive. So, if there's some bitterness toward the person who's wronged you in your life you're not very apt to want to forgive them.
What is forgiveness? It's knowing that you don't have to get even. Archibald Hart says, “Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.” To forgive means to cancel a debt--that means that certain requirements have to be met if we're able to forgive. So what is it that you have to do in order to grant forgiveness? What must the person who has been wronged do?
Maybe the person who has offended you was a parent. You're still holding on to your grief and you're still holding onto your bitterness and your resentment. And you still are not forgiving. You know whom you're hurting? Not your parent. You're hurting yourself. We have to forgive in our grace when the other person cannot be forgiven with his repentance. And that happens when the one who has offended us is dead.
It happens when the one who has offended us has not been filled with the Spirit of God--is not a believer. That happens when the one who has offended us is unrepentant. We can still forgive with our grace. We can pay the debt with our grace just the way God did. We don't want to become bitter; we don't want to be vengeful. We want God to forgive us of our sins and we'd rather forgive than just forget.
There are times when it's better for us just to pay the debt--just to swallow our pride, just to take the offense without getting back or retaliating or demanding an apology. That's paying the debt ourselves rather than demanding someone else apologize or forgive the debt so that it's paid.
Note from Life Application Bible: “Marking iniquities - holding a grudge - is like building a wall between you and another person, and it is nearly impossible to talk openly while the wall is there. God never holds a grudge when he forgives, he forgives completely, tearing down any wall between us and him. Therefore, we can talk to him about anything. When you pray, realize that God is holding nothing against you. His lines of communication are completely open.”
Examples of Forgiveness
1. Joseph
Genesis 50:15-20: ‘But now that their father was dead, Joseph's brothers became afraid. “Now Joseph will pay us back for all the evil we did to him,” they said. So they sent this message to Joseph: “Before your father died, he instructed us to say to you: ‘Forgive your brothers for the great evil they did to you.’ So we, the servants of the God of your father, beg you to forgive us.” When Joseph received the message, he broke down and wept. Then his brothers came and bowed low before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. But Joseph told them, “Don't be afraid of me. Am I God, to judge and punish you? As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil. He brought me to the high position I have today so I could save the lives of many people.”
Note from Life Application Bible: "Now that Jacob (or Israel) was dead, the brothers feared revenge from Joseph. Could he really have forgiven them for selling him into slavery? But to their surprise, Joseph not only forgave them but offered to care for them and their families. Joseph's forgiveness was complete. He demonstrated how God graciously accepts us even though we don't deserve it. Realizing that God forgives us even when we have ignored or rejected him should motivate us to forgive others."
2. Stephen
Acts 7:59-60 “And as they stoned him, Stephen prayed, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." And he fell to his knees, shouting, "Lord, don't charge them with this sin!" And with that, he died.”
Note from Life Application Bible: “As Stephen died ... he repeated what Jesus had said as he died on the cross (Luke 23:34). The early believers were glad to suffer as Jesus had suffered, because that meant they were counted worthy (Acts 5:41). Stephen was ready to suffer like Jesus, even to the point of asking forgiveness for his murders. Such a forgiving response comes only from the Holy Spirit.”
3. Jesus
Luke 23:34 “Jesus said, "Father, forgive these people, because they don't know what they are doing."…”
4. The prodigal son’s father versus his brother – Luke 15:11-32:
To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: "A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now, instead of waiting until you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. "A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and took a trip to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money on wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him to feed his pigs. The boy became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything. "When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired men have food enough to spare, and here I am, dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, "Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired man."’ "So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ "But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger, and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening in the pen. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began. "Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, and he asked one of the servants what was going on. ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the calf we were fattening and has prepared a great feast. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’ "The older brother was angry and wouldn't go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I've worked hard for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the finest calf we have.’ "His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you and I are very close, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’"
5. Modern Example
Genuine forgiveness runs deep. It is not a thin surface patch on a relationship, but an inner change of heart toward the offender. Too often we think we have extended forgiveness when we have only covered over our resentment.
Corrie Ten Boom shares this true story in her book, "The Hiding Place": It was a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there - the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie's pain-blanched face. He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. "How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein," he said. "To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!"
His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side.
Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him.
I tried to smile; I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness.
The story says that when she then took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.
How do you forgive?
1. Receive the grace. You won't be able to forgive unless you have received the grace. Matthew 18:21-35. I love what Corrie ten Boom says: "When God casts our sins into the depths of the sea, He puts up a sign and says, 'No fishing.'"
2. Acknowledge the wrong. Be straightforward with God. Acknowledge the fact that this person has wronged you, like Alexander the coppersmith. That's an important step. If you don't acknowledge the wrong, you don't have anything to forgive.
3. Lay down all your rights. "Lose your life for My sake," Jesus said. Forgiveness is the unconditional laying down of the self.
4. What to do to and for the one who has wronged you. What shall I do?
a. If he asks for forgiveness, forgive him
b. If he doesn't, you go ahead and forgive him in a private transaction before God.
c. Pray for him. Opposition will be melted as you pray for him.
d. And this is probably the toughest thing of all-Ask for grace to treat him as if nothing had ever happened.
posted by Oakview Bible Fellowship at 3:53 AM
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